Olive is 5 of 5. She was probably THE biggest surprise baby we experienced. Since, I'm posting about her for the first time, I'll share a little bit about her pregnancy and life thus far.
During one of the most stressful times in my life, I suddenly found myself feeling sick a lot. I was gagging at the smell of food (which is highly unusual for me). I chalked it up to being stressed and possibly depressed and just figured it would pass. Well, after a couple of weeks, it didn't, and I called a nurse friend of ours that had an office close by. She and I discussed the possibility of pregnancy and I assured her that wasn't it. So, before I went in to see her and try to get rid of this yuck feeling I had, I took an at-home pregnancy test so she wouldn't feel the need. I will never forget it. Ryan had picked up a digital test and it almost immediately read "Pregnant." I wanted to scream.
And over the next several weeks, I had this one-sided conversation with God:
"I was done! But, God! We have 4 KIDS! This is not a good time! What are You doing to me! I almost died giving birth to Phalynn! I was trying to prevent this! Why, oh why, God!? I don't enjoy being pregnant! Why won't you just give babies to women who haven't had any luck conceiving yet instead of giving me a 5th?! Do You hate me? Am I being punished? Are You trying to push me to the edge as some sort of test?!
And this conversation with myself:
"Ok, google search "what medical conditions could I have that would cause a pregnancy test to come up positive." Cervical cancer. Yes, that's it. I have cervical cancer. So, I'm not going to have a baby, I just have cancer. (Mind you, I was not rational) I could have a tubal pregnancy. I could have all sorts of weird things that are wrong with me, but I cannot be pregnant. I love my kids, but I don't think I can do this again. And we're an even number right now and one more will just mess that up and I'm definitely not going to have another one after that to even things out. How do I tell people that we're gonna have a 5th child. I'm gonna be huge all the way through summer. I can't have a home-birth again, it would be too risky, but I don't know if I can handle another long labor and what if I die. Ryan will be left with all 5 kids by himself and ....... Dern it, I haven't taught him how to do girls' hair in case something happens to me. (literally writes down that I have to make Ryan practice doing girls hair so I know he knows how to do it in case I were to die). What if me and Ryan die? Who's gonna take on 5 kids???? I have no legal guardian in case me and Ryan die. Do we have a big enough life insurance policy so that if we do die, that whoever takes the kids will have plenty of money for them? I know I definitely don't want them split up. So, it will have to be someone who will keep them all together......"
Now some of you may find this hard to read, that I definitely did not want another baby. But, if you were around me at that time, you will know that this was the absolute WORST time to find out you're pregnant, whether it was number 1 or 5 or 15. I was completely irrational in a lot of ways, but there was one thing I knew- I could not have another baby. So, I was in denial for several weeks. I would throw up and ignore it. I would shove through the nausea that was so severe I could barely stand without gagging and go on about my day. Finally, Ryan (who was slightly scared of me at the time) suggested I see our nurse midwife that I used for all the early pregnancy tests. I didn't want to, but I knew that she could confirm my suspicions - I was NOT pregnant. But, there on her table at what I thought was about 10 weeks along, I heard the strongest loudest heartbeat I believe I'd heard up to that point. The nurse midwife said "I believe you're farther along than you thought." She reached up and touched my shoulder (she knew me too well) and gave me a look. She was usually no-nonsense, get down to business type of lady but that day, she walked out of the room for a minute while wiping her eyes. Ryan looked at me and we both cried. My mind changed at that moment. Not only did I want that tiny peanut growing inside of me, but I wanted to be healthy and I wanted him or her to be healthy. So I slowly but surely pulled myself up out of the hole I was in for my baby.
On March 31, 2012, I attend a big baby event in the area with a friend. She was also pregnant and due right around the time I was (which was September 29). We decided to have a fun ultrasound done and see if they could figure out the genders of our babies. Neither of us had our husbands with us, and I believe she waited til hers could get there, but I was still a little ways in my hole, so I really didn't care if Ryan was there or not. My friend was so excited to get to be with me. We went into the tent and I laid back in one of those anti-gravity lawn chairs. The technician asked me how far along I was and she replied that she may not be able to tell the gender, but again, as soon as she started looking, she grinned real big and said, "I cannot officially tell you anything since this is just for fun and pictures, but it is my opinion that you are further along than you think you are. And, you're having a girl. No doubt." I honestly didn't care what I was having at that point (I mean it was gonna be uneven either way, so my OCD was already being tested) but seeing her on the screen and hearing her strong heartbeat again solidified her existence and my calling as her mother.
The pregnancy was pretty much the same as the others, sick and sore all the time. We moved just a few weeks before her due date (which had been moved to August 24) next door to my Granny. As usual, the due date came and went, and after church on Sunday, September 2, which was the day before Labor Day, a friend of mine said, "call us if that baby comes tonight." I laughed it off. Well, I went to the hospital around 4:30 the next morning and had Olive Paisley at around 9:30. She was 8 pounds 15 ounces. Chloe named her and later that day, I found out where she got the names. They're apparently two characters off a Disney Channel show. But, later I looked up the meaning of her names and it was so fitting for the time in which she was conceived and born. Olive means "peace" and a meaning of Paisley is "tear." Even though I cried many tears feeling that I was incapable of carrying, delivering, and caring for another child, our baby Olive brought me more peace than I could ever imagine.
Especially in times like right now when she sleeping. :)
Olive's favorite food is food. She's an eater like her Momma.
Olive loves twirly dresses
Her favorite things to play with right now are mostly babies and stuffed animals. She is just nearly obsessed with everything Frozen (as in Elsa, Ana, and Olaf), She sings the best rendition of "Let it Go" you'll ever hear. It's very dramatic and loud.
Olive is unfortunately going through the terrible twos. Her favorite words to scream at the highest pitch humanly possible is "No" and "Stop it."
She has been very clingly lately but as soon as I pick her up, she will throw herself backward and become a ragdoll. It's very hard to hold a bigger-than-average 2 year old like that.
Speaking of bigger than average, she wears a 3T. She totally skipped size 2T all together.
It looks as though she is going to be left handed like her Daddy. But she's got my blue eyes.
Olive, just like her sisters, is absolutely gorgeous.
If you got tired of reading all this and just looked at the pictures, that's ok, this blog is mainly for when I'm gone. You know, when Ryan is trying to tell our 5 kids about their crazy Mom while he struggles to fix their hair.
P.S. No I'm not dying. Only those in my crazy doom and gloom family (or those like our crazy doom and gloom family) could possibly understand my insane irrational fear that I'm gonna die and no one will be able to fix my girls hair properly.
During one of the most stressful times in my life, I suddenly found myself feeling sick a lot. I was gagging at the smell of food (which is highly unusual for me). I chalked it up to being stressed and possibly depressed and just figured it would pass. Well, after a couple of weeks, it didn't, and I called a nurse friend of ours that had an office close by. She and I discussed the possibility of pregnancy and I assured her that wasn't it. So, before I went in to see her and try to get rid of this yuck feeling I had, I took an at-home pregnancy test so she wouldn't feel the need. I will never forget it. Ryan had picked up a digital test and it almost immediately read "Pregnant." I wanted to scream.
And over the next several weeks, I had this one-sided conversation with God:
"I was done! But, God! We have 4 KIDS! This is not a good time! What are You doing to me! I almost died giving birth to Phalynn! I was trying to prevent this! Why, oh why, God!? I don't enjoy being pregnant! Why won't you just give babies to women who haven't had any luck conceiving yet instead of giving me a 5th?! Do You hate me? Am I being punished? Are You trying to push me to the edge as some sort of test?!
And this conversation with myself:
"Ok, google search "what medical conditions could I have that would cause a pregnancy test to come up positive." Cervical cancer. Yes, that's it. I have cervical cancer. So, I'm not going to have a baby, I just have cancer. (Mind you, I was not rational) I could have a tubal pregnancy. I could have all sorts of weird things that are wrong with me, but I cannot be pregnant. I love my kids, but I don't think I can do this again. And we're an even number right now and one more will just mess that up and I'm definitely not going to have another one after that to even things out. How do I tell people that we're gonna have a 5th child. I'm gonna be huge all the way through summer. I can't have a home-birth again, it would be too risky, but I don't know if I can handle another long labor and what if I die. Ryan will be left with all 5 kids by himself and ....... Dern it, I haven't taught him how to do girls' hair in case something happens to me. (literally writes down that I have to make Ryan practice doing girls hair so I know he knows how to do it in case I were to die). What if me and Ryan die? Who's gonna take on 5 kids???? I have no legal guardian in case me and Ryan die. Do we have a big enough life insurance policy so that if we do die, that whoever takes the kids will have plenty of money for them? I know I definitely don't want them split up. So, it will have to be someone who will keep them all together......"
On March 31, 2012, I attend a big baby event in the area with a friend. She was also pregnant and due right around the time I was (which was September 29). We decided to have a fun ultrasound done and see if they could figure out the genders of our babies. Neither of us had our husbands with us, and I believe she waited til hers could get there, but I was still a little ways in my hole, so I really didn't care if Ryan was there or not. My friend was so excited to get to be with me. We went into the tent and I laid back in one of those anti-gravity lawn chairs. The technician asked me how far along I was and she replied that she may not be able to tell the gender, but again, as soon as she started looking, she grinned real big and said, "I cannot officially tell you anything since this is just for fun and pictures, but it is my opinion that you are further along than you think you are. And, you're having a girl. No doubt." I honestly didn't care what I was having at that point (I mean it was gonna be uneven either way, so my OCD was already being tested) but seeing her on the screen and hearing her strong heartbeat again solidified her existence and my calling as her mother.
The pregnancy was pretty much the same as the others, sick and sore all the time. We moved just a few weeks before her due date (which had been moved to August 24) next door to my Granny. As usual, the due date came and went, and after church on Sunday, September 2, which was the day before Labor Day, a friend of mine said, "call us if that baby comes tonight." I laughed it off. Well, I went to the hospital around 4:30 the next morning and had Olive Paisley at around 9:30. She was 8 pounds 15 ounces. Chloe named her and later that day, I found out where she got the names. They're apparently two characters off a Disney Channel show. But, later I looked up the meaning of her names and it was so fitting for the time in which she was conceived and born. Olive means "peace" and a meaning of Paisley is "tear." Even though I cried many tears feeling that I was incapable of carrying, delivering, and caring for another child, our baby Olive brought me more peace than I could ever imagine.
Especially in times like right now when she sleeping. :)
Olive's favorite food is food. She's an eater like her Momma.
Olive loves twirly dresses
Her favorite things to play with right now are mostly babies and stuffed animals. She is just nearly obsessed with everything Frozen (as in Elsa, Ana, and Olaf), She sings the best rendition of "Let it Go" you'll ever hear. It's very dramatic and loud.
Olive is unfortunately going through the terrible twos. Her favorite words to scream at the highest pitch humanly possible is "No" and "Stop it."
She has been very clingly lately but as soon as I pick her up, she will throw herself backward and become a ragdoll. It's very hard to hold a bigger-than-average 2 year old like that.
Speaking of bigger than average, she wears a 3T. She totally skipped size 2T all together.
Olive, just like her sisters, is absolutely gorgeous.
If you got tired of reading all this and just looked at the pictures, that's ok, this blog is mainly for when I'm gone. You know, when Ryan is trying to tell our 5 kids about their crazy Mom while he struggles to fix their hair.
P.S. No I'm not dying. Only those in my crazy doom and gloom family (or those like our crazy doom and gloom family) could possibly understand my insane irrational fear that I'm gonna die and no one will be able to fix my girls hair properly.
WWW, I'm crying now!! It's amazing how a child can bring us out of the deepest and darkest pits of our lives and give us such a beautiful light! Olive is beautiful and even though I haven't had the chance to get to know her like the other 4, I can tell you that she equally amazing! Happy late Birthday Olive!!
ReplyDelete-Becky